Expats

So it’s been a couple of days since I’ve last written, for some reason I have found myself rather uninspired. Today I find myself just as mentally under stimulated as yesterday but with something to share.

Last night my other half and myself found ourselves in the lovely and welcoming home of the Jooste family. Yes, I said Jooste – not very American – in fact this lovely family is about as Afrikaans as they come (they make their own biltong in America). Friends of friends, we were put in touch with them to give me some South African support and show me that I am not the only SAFFA so far away from home, in fact there are apparently a whole bunch of us lost in the South!

So sipping on some lovely South African wine we chatted for hours about home and adjusting to the American way. They have been here for 8 years and although the kids have adopted the southern twang quite nicely Mnr and Mev Jooste het nog hul regte Afrikaans aksente and boy did I love it! Yes, I found myself starting to think in Afrikaans again, scary or comforting I don’t know yet…

One thing I found amazing is that all expats seem to miss the same things (take notes for sending care packages); Mrs Balls Chutney, Ouma Rusks, 5 Roses Tea, Sweet Chilli Sauce, Sparletta Cream Soda, biltong, oh, and the mountain.

With the promise of being invited to the next Tuisland Tannies Tea I left with a smile on my face and the knowledge of the fact that I am not alone (to the tune of Michael Jackson of course).

Miskien sal el begin om my Afrikaans erfenis te vier en dinge soos bobotie begin kook. Minnie jy moet trots wees.

Secrets

Secrecy is defined as the practice of hiding information from certain individuals or groups, perhaps while sharing it with other individuals. That which is kept hidden is known as the secret.

I believe we all have secrets, some big, some small. Some people long to be able to tell their secrets, to get them off their chest, other people find peace in having their little secret.

You may in a lifetime find those special people that will keep your secrets, that one person that you can tell absolutely anything without being judged or having your secrets told.

The reason I write this is not because I have a massive secret that I want to share but because last night I went to a talk by Frank Warren of Post Secret. I realized that there are so many people out there with secrets, some so tiny and insignificant to us but have an earth shattering grip on these people’s lives. Some secrets that are live changing and life threatening. These people find hope and solitude in sending a stranger their secrets. I guess it is nice to know that there is that person out there that you can tell anything without being judged and by telling someone your secret surely it’s not a secret anymore.

I also realized that there are people out there who are going through or have gone through the same things as me, they have had the same thoughts as me, made the same mistakes as me – I find that comforting.

Take a look at Post Secret - you are bound to find that one secret that you share with someone.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
http://www.postsecretcommunity.com/

Discombobulated

Ever woken up one day, looked around and suddenly everything was completely out of whack?

That a world that was once so certain and a life you were so sure of is all of a sudden all blurry and confusing?

You find yourself asking yourself all these questions that you simply do not know the answers to. The world that was once so black and white is now full of grey.
So what does one do in this situation? I guess it takes a period of adjusting to this new and terrifying world. You could say you would go through stages, much like the stages of grief. A great way of thinking is that these are more definitions of emotional behaviors rather than stages, per se.

• Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
• Anger (why is this happening to me?)
• Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
• Depression (I don't care anymore)
• Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Another and maybe less known definition of the stages of grief describes three particular types of behavior exhibited by those suffering from grief and loss. They are:
• Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
• Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
• Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

I think I can relate to this one more. I know that I went through the initial stage where I’m not sure to how to behave or act so I just went through the paces, somewhat mechanically, getting through the days waiting to find my place.

I have definitely felt the disorganization part, felling that I have nothing of my own and I rely on everyone too much and would give anything for my own space, my own things and my own life.

But thankfully I can see myself moving into the reorganization phase, I would love to get out there and meet new people and get on with my life. Unfortunately, I find myself in a difficult position between the two phases because as much as I would like to take my life into my own hands and progress through these stages and become a somewhat normal functioning member of society, my situation binds me and I cannot.

Home

What is so great about that place called Home? The same place that you’ve seen for most of your life. The place where nothing changes and time seems to stand still. The place that we are all so eager to get out of – we cannot wait to grow our wings and learn to fly to explore the rest of the world and make our mark on something bigger and better.

After much deliberation, I think I have finally found the answer, “What’s so great about home?” Everything.

Church Lesson 1

So, as part of my new life in the burbs, I now go to church, yes I can hear the giggles (and outbursts from Thunder Struck). Don’t get me wrong, I am a believer, I say my “Please God’s” every so often and I try a live a life that a higher power wouldn’t frown too much upon, but I am also a skeptic and the founder of Apism so I find myself stuck in a lost world somewhere between living the life and playing dress-up.

So every Sunday (unless hung-over) I try to put on my most church appropriate outfit and generally get the question, “Are you going to wear that to church?” I then change into a somewhat less fashionable but a little more church appropriate outfit, still with great shoes, and head to church where I mind my P’s and Q’s and do what I’m told.

I have to admit that I do listen and take in the sermon and most of it makes good sense, but me being me always has a question that I probably should not ask.

The thought that was provoked in me this past Sunday really did strike a chord as I felt somewhat attacked maybe. It kind of played on the fact that the American way of upbringing is the correct and only way. The pastor, preacher, Brother Rick was speaking of respect for your elders and that kind of thing and he said that by saying “yes ma’am/Sir and no ma’am/Sir” showed respect for people. Now this has been problem for me since moving over here, the fact that everybody addresses everybody else by Ma’am and Sir. And I don’t. I just was not taught to say that after every sentence and feel silly doing it. But does that mean that I am being disrespectful and undermining authority?

I don’t think so.

Yard-Saleing

When first invited to go “yard-saleing” I was quiet excited as I’d heard so much about this American tradition. You see this is some sort of cultural adventure, you spend a couple of days noticing the Yard Sale signs around town and writing down the addresses, then you pile the family in the car (grand mother in curlers included) and start your trek. You hit up as many sales as you can on the way in the hope of finding those once in a life-time hidden treasures.

So now of course I’m thinking Clean House – heaps of cool stuff still in boxes, bought but never used. I’m hoping to find some really nice household things that are really useful for bargain prices. The truth and the trick is that you really have to search through piles of broken and unwanted nothings to find your treasure. My first thought is, “Did you seriously think that someone would want to buy this?” We saw everything from old shoes to mouldy clothes and rusty cake tins. Don’t forget the jewelry that looked like it was made by a three year old at craft school.

Finds of the day:
Beautiful diamond (Cubic’s) rings for $25
An electric wheelchair for $1200

After thinking that it might be fun to get the family back home traditional Christmas presents in the form of amazing yard sale finds I came to my senses and realized that one man’s rubbish is simply one man’s rubbish.

Some good laughs were had and we left with a day/night pill box - $0.25 (bargained down from $0.50) and two Christmas cutting boards (really cute actually) - $0.75

Lost in Translation Part 1

Why is it that people find it amazing when you speak differently, say words differently or give things different names to them? Why are people so obsessed with conformity and the fact that things have to be said their way? This blog will come in two parts 1 to educate the Americans I try and communicate with on a daily basis and 2 to inform the South Africans who have a sense of humour.

Let the lessons begin:

So lesson number one for Americans – yes we do speak English in (South) Africa and no I’m not just naturally talented at learning new languages.

2. Not everyone is as loud as you and no there’s nothing wrong when I don’t feel the need to fill in every space of silence with a stupid comment.

3. I know we say things differently but I’m sure you can figure it out without me having to repeat myself in your language – it’s English.

4. I don’t mind means I don’t mind. I’m not trying to avoid responsibility or avoid decision making.

5. Braai – this is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit South Africa (yes I know it’s a long plane flight and you will have to get a passport). A braai is a backyard barbecue where you will be served chops and boerewors and will consume lots of beer.

6. Rugby – This is the much loved South African sport similar to American Footbal except our guys don’t wear so much padding and the same players stay on the field for the whole game – no rest for the wicked.

7. Ag - Pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in: "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense of resignation: "Ag OK, I'll have some more braaivleis (BBQ meat) then." It can also stand alone as a sign of irritation.

8. Donner - A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder). Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." A team member in your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you come back from a braai at three in the morning.

9. Eina - Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah".

10. Hey - Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of what has just been said, as in "You're only going to get donnered if you come in late again, hey?" It can also stand alone as a question.

11. Izit? - Derived from the two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if someone would say: "The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying: "Izit?"

12. Ja well no fine - This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words: "yes", "well", "no" and “fine", it roughly means "OK". If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence, say: "Jawelnofine."

13. Klap - Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank. If you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you could end up getting a "klap" from your mother. In America, that is called child abuse. In South Africa, it is called promoting education. But to get "lekker geklap" is to get motherlessly drunk.

14. Lekker - An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can say: "Now that was lekk-errrrrrr!" while drawing out the last syllable.

15. Dop - A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner. When invited for a dop, be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a long night.

16. Bakkie - This word is pronounced "bucky" and can refer to a small truck or pick-up.

17. Howzit - This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this word throughout the country.

18. Now now - In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: "Now now, it's OK." But in South Africa, this phrase is used in the following manner: "Just wait, I'll be there now now." It means "a little after now".

19. Just now – Somewhat like Now Now, this phrase means a “little longer after now”

20. Vrot - Pronounced - "frot". A expressive word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired.

21. Rock up - To rock up is to just arrive (gate crash). You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about it.

22. Scale - To scale something is to steal it. A person who is "scaly" has a doubtful character, is possibly a scumbag.

23. Ja-nee - "Yes No". Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not choose to agree or disagree.

I would like to thank Thunder Struck for additional material for this blog and for helping me in my fight to educate Americans on the world beyond their borders.

The First Lesson in America

Inspired by my lovely friend Crazii Redhead, I’ve decided to clear away the cobwebs from my writing brain and share my thoughts with those bored enough to read. The subject of this amateur blog will I guess be the most prevalent thing in my life at the moment – the big move to the US of A.

With very little idea of where to actually start I think a good point would be the love of all loves (the thing I apparently need to learn to love very quickly) – American Football.

It is now football season so everyone who is anyone is talking about each past, current and future game and make no plans on the weekends cause the game is on! So fast I find myself in a complete football overload.

OK yes I know I am somewhat of a massive rugby fan but really there is no need in my mind to watch 4 games in one day when only one of them contains the team you actually support. I know you are interested in where the other teams come to see where your team lies in the league but is that not what sports roundup is for?

My first live game was Alabama (my inherited team) vs Arkansas (Ar-Kan-Saaw). They played at the University of Alabama. With a seating capacity of 92,012, (Newlands holds 51,900) it is pretty daunting and does give you chills when you enter the sold out stadium, everybody wearing their team colours and cheering along with the cheerleaders (yes they are real and yes they all wear too much make-up, too little clothes and for some odd reason have very 80’s bouncy hair).

But now to paint the picture of this fateful day – it was raining, but not just a little rain, but really really raining, like the rain that unless I was in a comfy business box with free snacks and red wine I would be watching the game from my couch. But no, not the Americans … they are there, in full force, in the pouring rain. They actually turn up a good couple of hours before the game for what they term Tailgate Parties, where basically they have beer in the back of their bakkies and proceed to get drunk before the game, not too much of a bad idea I guess, but really – 2 more hours than necessary in the rain.

So luckily for me the rain clears up somewhat and the sun tries to come out so we head to our seats. Upon entering the stadium I am told that I cannot take my bag in as it is too big – hello it’s a hand bag and I urge you to find a woman that does not carry an over sized hand bag and does not absolutely need everything in it! So argument lost I am forced to fish out the valuables and essentials and leave my brand new Nine West hand bag at the entrance gate! Seriously please can I rather take the option of sitting in the safety of the car holding my bag tight in my arms? But alas, I oblige and trying not to focus too much on the possibility of some grubby college kid who does not appreciate a quality bag getting their paws on my new baby, I focus on the 22 little men running, in my eyes aimlessly, around the field. I’m not even going to try explain even a little of what I learned because it is just too much for my little brain to compute but about 3.5 hours later we are leaving with “our” team winning. I ecstatically found my bag exactly where I left it and we headed off for some post game food and of course another good couple of hours discussing every play.

So until next time I say Roll Tide!